He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
