jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
