so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
