i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
