just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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