I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
