Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
