dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
