I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
