Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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