I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just had sex bonerless
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
