I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
