I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
