You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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