apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
