Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Pants are for mortals
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
