Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The adults are the big ones right?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
