I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
