Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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