I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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