My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
