she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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