when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
