i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
