i'm signing you up for texting rehab
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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