Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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