Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
