I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
