It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
