please come you make the beer taste better
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
