I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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