A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
