He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
