Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
