I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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