Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
