This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
