I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i barfeds in our rink
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Randomize
