Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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