She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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