did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
