All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
