too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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