I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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