im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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