the condom got lost in my hair
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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