therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
