He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
