you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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