he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
