Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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