he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
