Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
