i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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