I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
