if you like me you must not know who I am
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
