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She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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