We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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