saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize