I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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