Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
