peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
