Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize