I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
