i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
