we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize