I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
