I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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