maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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