Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
