The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize