yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
