Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
