Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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