this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Can I color on your dick again?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
