Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
