There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
