i think i scared a bird with my dick
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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