I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think my vagina is haunted
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
