Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
