I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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