we have officially lost it.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
