YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize