I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
send nudes
from the living room?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
