I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
