5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
