is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
