I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
ttyl tear gas
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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