Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
