My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
