LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
