I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
