using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
