why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
