my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
